Already got asked if we're dating
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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