i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
