im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
