I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
