i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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