Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
