white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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