so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
