I wish my penis had an off switch
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
