I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
