she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
two words...techno handjob
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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