my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
