hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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