"it" just moved
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
