Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
