The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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