It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
