I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
