there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just gargled with NyQuil
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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