biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
