I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
