I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
