just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
