...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I think a kid would responsible me up
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
