A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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