yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
