I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
