Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Randomize
