so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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