i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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