Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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