im having a threesome with these popsicles
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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