I'm pants shitting drunk right now
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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