I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize