I have demons in me.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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