She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
