i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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