I accidentally had phone sex last night
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
that is very illegal...i love you.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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