Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I haven't been this sober since birth.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
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