At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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