If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize