2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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