even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
