she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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