"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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