i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
