oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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