loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
