Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
No stitches, just platelets and will power
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
