first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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