you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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