Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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