I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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