I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
