Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
