what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
