That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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