He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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