Screwed.edu
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
