i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
