Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
