Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
