Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
