no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
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And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
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And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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