I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
