Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
