Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
