1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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