Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
