I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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