I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
