we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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