That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
