I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
