Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
