I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
