Grow some girl-balls and come out already
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
