FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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