If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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