o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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