yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize