i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
