fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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