My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
