My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
